Into the Deep/No Boundaries/No Limits!

In March 2003, I felt stetched to the maximum with life challenges. Overwhelming anxiety set in, and my belief systems desired to set an internal limit on expansion. Beyond my comfort zone, outer demands required that I stretch even more!

I was in Minneapolis for an amazing weekend and flew home to Arizona. Within twenty-four hours, I repacked and drove one thousand miles to Colorado for a demanding show, and my sister's wedding. I became intensely sick with influenza and bronchitis. I wanted to contract, not expand! The largest blizzard in 90 years forced me to recuperate alone and be housebound in the mountains for four days....As ten foot snow drifts imprisoned me, it felt as if my butterfly wings were contracting.

One week later, I was regaining physical strength, and on my way to the Grand Canyon to hike forty-four miles into one of the most remote wilderness areas! My friend and I were both feeling our "edge" and desired an easier experience. With my acquired information of the terrain, I planned what I thought would be a moderate, playful six day journey.

The first day, we drove twenty-two miles through the Havasupai Indian
Reservation via rugged four-wheel drive terrain. We arrived at the South Bass Trailhead, and proceeded into the deep abyss. This set the tone for our descent into the "underworld" to undergo unexpected physical tests of endurance! This journey into new territory was to become an allegory for stretching our edges to amplify personal power and strength. Our first primitive campsite was at the junction of the Tonto and Bass trails.

The second day, we hiked west and followed an intermittent faint trail toward the magical waterfall of Elves Chasm. The long distances and altitude changes through canyons created even more of a "stretch". The backcountry ranger had told us there was water at Copper Canyon. We climbed up the canyon bed in pursuit of running water to quench our thirst, only to find a very shallow, stagnant pothole of water with putrefying, decaying matter...this was a far cry from the playful hike I had anticipated! Thinking only of the reward of getting to Elves Chasm, we continued on. I acquired an unusual rock with a pure white circular center, which traveled with me for a while. I lost it somewhere along the faint trail. As shadows deepened and announced impending nightfall, we collapsed on the edge of a ledge looking deep over a side canyon in a primitive cliff dwelling.

The third morning, with wind gusts of over 50 miles an hour, very overcast skies, and sore bodies, we proceeded to our destination. A strange mist moved in and cast an erie shadowy film across my body. I succumbed into an altered state. We finally arrived at the last canyon before our descent to the chasm. As we stood on the edge of the steep drop-off, with ferocious winds whipping our bodies, we gazed into the deepest, darkest void of Garnet Canyon. We promptly decided to give up the rewards of getting to Elves Chasm, and turned around, totally baffled by this most challenging experience. Almost out of water, dehydrated and hungry we back-tracked and found a stagnant murky pool of water. After filtering the water from the quagmire, through our clothing to remove floating organisms, the yield was a disappointing six ounces and it still needed to be boiled and treated. The rock that I had lost magically reappeared on the trail as if to say it needed to travel with me. After battling with high winds which assaulted the flame which was purifying my diminutive yield, my body crumpled into exhaustion.

It was in the twilight zone between the worlds that I had a crystal clear vision of a hawk feather flying down from the heavens and landing on my chest...a heavenly energy announced itself! Spirit stated that it was time for me to strengthen and protect core life force energy, to withdraw inward and conserve. The rock that had refused to be lost, demonstrated a protective shield which encased a pure white center.

This display strongly suggested that I needed to create healthy boundaries for myself, put myself into the center of my core, and not allow anyone to break through into my core life force. The white in the center of the rock suggested that my core is the lightest, most expansive energy. This inner core carries the highest magnitude of healing and light to expand inner strength in order to become a larger ball of energy. A larger ball covers more territory with less energy output than a smaller ball which rotates rapidly. A tiny luminescent butterfly was a sharp contrast for this desolate place. I hypnotically watched its wings contract and expand as I continued my altered state. The alternating motion of the wings suggested that I needed to balance rest and activity in order to strengthen life force energy.

After revitalizing ourselves we traveled back to Copper Canyon to camp for the night. The next morning with bold determination we left the junction of Tonto and Bass trails, and proceeded up the South Bass Trail for our final torturous ascent. Later in the afternoon, long dark crimson shadows announced impending darkness. An icy chill swirled up the steep desolate canyon and my friend said that she was loosing core body heat and was exhausted and cold. The arduous journey was taking its toll. Self doubt created a nebulous shadow across my body... why had I been drawn to this experience? I had wanted to play and be creative. Instead the experience was requesting that I stay totally present and focused with each step I took.

We began to put in our emphatic requests to Spirit to find comfort in the middle of this unrelenting wilderness. I was rather amused by our seemingly silly and unrealistic request for such a barren place.

Shortly after stating our request for congenial accomodations, we noticed a cave set high on a steep rocky precipice. An answer to a prayer...the cave had perfectly arranged firewood, a fire pit, and a soft sandy comfortable sleeping surface. All this was protected and shielded from the high winds. An old miner's shovel was carefully placed to lift dirt and smother the fire when we were done. How could this be?

In the middle of nowhere...it was as if some little elves heard our plea, ran ahead and created this perfect setting for our last night. We built a glorious fire, warmed our cold bodies up, ate a gourmet freeze dried dinner and restored our bodies. Before falling asleep, I looked up and noticed that the opening of the cave suggested the butterfly shape of transformation! A crescendo brought the energy to a climax along with lucid clarity.

This journey became a parallel for my next piece of the puzzle...go within to create a larger space...set boundaries to protect core life force energy...expand from the inside out! A large ball rotates slower than a small ball, and is able to cover more territory with less energy output. I needed to prioritize my activities and become more efficient with my energy. As the butterfly, I needed to balance contraction with expansion and to realize that the contracted state offered great opportunities for healing. The final night in the cave yielded another important piece of the puzzle. As my basic needs were met, I realized I was free to move to a new level and actualize my gifts. The physical tests of endurance assisted me to stretch my boundaries, amplify personal power and strength, and to come into new territory!

When I returned home, my husband surprised me a beautiful irridescent butterfly pendant. Somehow he knew! What a synchronicity!